Before I get to my frustration with my impending weight loss saga, let me first share the good news.
Charlie has started to grab his toes! He figured out how to wrap his fingers around those chubby little appendages while I was visiting my mom last week. He can't seem to keep his hands off of them since. Luckily, I got it on video! I know, I'm totally one of "those mom's" that will not keep the camera out of his face. But these kinds of things are too soon forgotten, so I don't mind being a bit obsessed.
He is also laughing now. He loves the tickle bugs and has laughed for me, Kevin and our nanny now. It's one of the most pure forms of joy to hear your baby laugh for the first time.
He has gone two consecutive nights with sleeping through the night - completely. He went to bed at 9 and didn't wake up until 6 the next morning. Hallelujah because I was getting really tired of the "up every two hours" bit he has been doing for the past week.
This is weird, and I'll admit, a bit gross, but I look forward to poopy diapers. Charlie has had a few times where he's gone more than a day or two without having one and I get nervous. I mean, he's only eating breast milk and formula...how difficult is that to pass through a tiny baby system? Thankfully he's back to his old 2 a day routine - for now, at least.
I have taken Charlie for a couple of walks now that the weather is starting to get nice. He loves it! The first time it was a bit breezy so I had the bassinet closed up and he fell asleep pretty quick. Yesterday, it was bright and sunny so he got a chance to look around, hear the birdees chirp and listen to all the loud cars and trucks as they passed. He didn't fuss once and fell asleep about 5 minutes before we got home - a perfect power nap!
My hair isn't falling out as much anymore. I think I've lost most of what I'll expect to lose. I didn't realize how much thicker my hair had gotten until it all fell out again. Now it feels like it used to - thin and not much to it. As Charlie gets older and starts into the hair pulling stages, I plan to get a nice short a-line cut so grasping fingers can't pull mommy's hair out.
Here's something weird I didn't expect. My c-section scar has completely re-wired my nerve endings in my tummy area. I can touch one place and feel it in a completely unrelated area. It's almost as if it feels numb - kind of like when you start to get the feeling back in your face after you've been at the dentist to have a cavity filled. The scar is relatively small and doesn't bother me much. I also still don't have many stretch marks - woohoo! There were a few that showed up about a week after I had the babies, but they are negligible so I don't mind. I was certain I was going to have them from side to side, given how prone I am to them, but I guess I didn't really get that big for twins. I think most of them are from when the doctor yanked them out anyway and didn't really come from the pregnancy growth part of things.
I've been thinking about Oliver a lot. Sometimes it's a passing thought, other times I dwell a bit longer. I didn't even get a chance to know him, really, but I miss him like crazy. I often think how things would be different if he were here with his brother. Obviously things would be much harder but I still can't help but feel a bit cheated out of getting the experience of my two boys. We picked out his grave marker a few weeks ago and it should be arriving soon. I'll post a picture when we visit next time.
Now, I expected to gain weight while I was pregnant. I expected to have a hard time losing weight after I was not pregnant. But I also expected to believe all these women who tell me the pounds would just "fall off" if I breastfed. Balonee (and yes, I'm aware it is spelled "bologna", but I hate spelling it that way because that's not at all how it's pronounced). I have been at the same steady weight since we brought Charlie home from the hospital. This is especially troubling as I now carry an extra 20 pounds that I can't really account for. I mean, while the babies were inside, sure, I could explain that away all day long. But it's been 4 months now and I haven't lost (although the upside is I also haven't gained) a single pound, other than the daily fluctuations.
Kevin's family is doing it's annual Garnest Loser challenge which means the competitive side of me gets to come out and play and hopefully lose some weight and gain some money in the process. I've got a goal to lose the 20 pounds I've gained, plus the 10 I probably should have lost before I even got pregnant. That's a hefty goal - pun intended - but so far I'm on track to make it. I'm not doing anything crazy. No fad diets, no starvation modes, just eating 6 small square meals a day with lots of protein and minimal calories. The good news is, everything in my meal plan is something I actually like, except maybe the egg whites, so it isn't hard to stick to it. It's just a matter of keeping the motivation to prep everything but even that isn't so bad.
Wish me luck - I'm working toward losing almost 19% of my current weight. Yikes! That's a tall order!
