What Color is Anxiety?

Kevin finally felt Baby A kick! We were watching a movie and he was going nuts doing flips, kicks and flutters. I grabbed Kevin’s hand and within a couple of minutes, he felt a soft “thump”. Aaaaaaah! I was so excited. Probably more than Kevin.  Justine, my oldest step daughter, was also able to feel him while we were at the lake last weekend. I think she was expecting more, because she said, “oh, that’s what it feels like? I just thought that was your pulse”. So, even though they feel like gymnastics to me, apparently they just feel like soft, faint flubs to everyone else at the moment.

Baby B is still a tough bugger to catch. I don’t feel him squirming nearly as much. But this morning, I’ve felt him rubbing against my ribs and rocking back and forth. It’s comforting, because I haven’t felt him move much the last few days.

Here is a picture of me and Kevin at the lake last weekend. I love my silly husband.

It’s getting harder to stay comfortable. I have all but given up on pants with the exception of one XL pair of lycra dress pants I bought on clearance for $5. They are long enough I can pull them up over my bump and safety pin them to stay put. Other than that, though, it’s pretty much strictly dresses and skirts. I’ve even outgrown most of my pajamas! Who outgrows pajamas?? So many unexpected surprises.

A woman from my work is having her baby this week. Her due date was yesterday, but her little guy hasn’t given any indication he’s ready to leave his home, so it sounds like she’ll be induced on Saturday.

My thoughts have been turning to labor recently. I suppose I haven’t thought about it much this far because it seemed so far away. But now, it’s less than 100 days away. 100 days! I’m not a big worrier by nature (thank goodness), but since the inevitable is getting closer, I’ve noticed some annoying “what if’s” creeping into my mind. Even though it’s a real possibility, pre-term labor really hasn’t scared me much. I just assumed that everything is normal and progressing as it should right now, no need to panic. But what if it does happen? What if I start to have contractions and I don’t even know I’m having them? Apparently, I’ve been having Braxton Hicks contractions for the past few weeks, but I didn’t know it. I didn’t know what they were supposed to feel like, I just thought what I was feeling was a growing uterus and round ligament pain. What if my babies are born on Bangerter highway because I was too clueless to recognize that I was in labor??

I’m glad I signed up for the labor class at the hospital. It may terrify me to learn about all the stuff that I didn’t know I didn’t know, but at least I’ll feel better prepared and know what I should expect. This is all so foreign to me, as I’m usually such a passive person. I usually just handle things as they come and have the mentality that everything will work out one way or another…but now that these babies are involved, I feel like I HAVE to be prepared, for their sake. Aaawe, motherhood instincts! Cute!

Speaking of preparedness, I’m worried about buying nursing bras. I have no idea where to get them, or what to get, or how to know if I’m getting the right kind/size. Totally clueless! And nursing pads? What are those? I’ve seen what they look like, little white circles…I’d guess I stuff them in my bra to keep any leakage milk from seeping through? I have no idea. All I know is every blog said I need them, and I need them before I go to the hospital.