Who the Beep Are You?

I knew it was inevitable. I have read all about the awkwardness, the shock and the creepiness. But I wasn’t expecting it so early in my own pregnancy. I experienced my first unsolicited belly rub today.

I’ve heard some women say this doesn’t bother them at all. I suppose with most of my family members and even with my close friends, I wouldn’t be bothered, either. But when it is a co-worker, client or some lady standing in line waiting to place her order at Arby’s – that’s weirdsville for me.

I’m not even REALLY showing yet. I mean, I have a bump, but unless I do the infamous “hand/arm resting on top” move, you would probably just think I’ve been putting away a couple sacks of potato chips every night. But, as aforementioned Arby’s woman pointed out, sometimes women can just sense these things – even about others.

I was combing through the menu trying to find something to distract me from the delicious-looking jomocha shakes when out of NOWHERE this woman comes flying at me with an open palm, grin from ear to ear and eyes that looked like they’d just seen Disneyland for the first time. She immediately put her hand on my belly and started “the rub”. My instincts told me to move away but I was literally frozen from disbelief. She started questioning me: “How far along are you?” “Is this your first?” “Do you know if it’s a boy or a girl?” Suddenly I felt my eyes matching the size of hers. Who is this person? Who dares to touch a complete stranger and immediately assume they are packing another person around just because of a little pudge? The sheer audacity alone was enough to shock someone as unrefined as Charlie Sheen.

I managed to stammer that I was about 15 weeks but didn’t know anything else yet. Untrue, but I didn’t feel like making conversation. I was hungry, annoyed and now violated. I managed to throw her a “thanks for caring about my pregnancy” kind of smile before I turned around and walked to the counter to place my order.

I got my order to go and ate my lunch in my car in the parking lot. I didn’t want to risk having her sit herself down at my table and ask me about my last bowel movement or favorite sexual position.

Today’s lesson: People are weird. It’s nice to be polite and even nicer to care about someone else’s exciting news, but to a) assume and b) invade someone’s personal space is just not nice.

Oh, and P.S. We did find out the genders last night. But I’m not telling until our family BBQ on the 1^st. SECRETS ARE MY FAVORITE!